Why do I make this so difficult?!

Seriously, I have major change-of-mind issues sometimes. I start out one way, decide to change the course for some little reason, then go back to the original way. However, through the process (while looking like a crazy, stressed-out, wishy-washy woman) I learn something about that part of my life and use it in the future. So in the end all is not wasted.

It's our curriculum...or rather it's Me vs. The Curriculum. I was so spoiled last year by our HOD guides. The kids loved it. Why did I decide to change a few months ago?!

In my mind I had hopes of...

• Challenging Drew with more spelling words.
• Giving him more science each week that I know he enjoys.
  
• Combining the kid's learning in unit studies & FIAR (kid's literature) books.
• Giving the kids colorful math pages to do (silly one, I know!)
  

Yet in the past few days I'm...

• Making TONS more work for myself in creating lesson plans for each week
• Stressing about if I'm covering everything I should be covering or not AND stressing as to if I can keep up with the planning as the year goes on (since I'm teaching a co-op class this fall and in the spring & possibly a speed reading class again in the evenings in September).
  
• Finding I'm not able to enjoy my evenings as I had been when the kids are in bed and I have a few minutes of ME time or even talking with J.
• Discovering our school days are not going as well as last year. I'm not excited about them and that's not good.

So after only 2 days of our new school year I've decided to go back to HOD. Jim said "I told you so tonight." And I deserve it. He encouraged me to stick with what worked months ago, yet I thought what I could plan would be more "fun" for the kids. Maybe it would be some days, but mostly it would leave me exhausted & stressed. I can't be a good mom when I'm exhausted & stressed!

I realized that I can let Drew roll with the easy spelling words this year (it's what would happen if he was in a "real" school) and concentrate on his handwriting while he does his spelling work. In hopes of doing more science for Drew, we can check out numerous fun science DVDs from the library and DVR fun science shows from Discovery channel. He can work through experiments in the evenings with Jim (who enjoys & understands all of science!) from a few experiment books I have collected. So what if they don't coincide with what he's learning in HOD...he doesn't care. :o)

As for combining the kids - they're at such different levels I find Kate is going to miss out on her age-appropriate activities that are too "babyish" for Drew. If I'm using HOD, everything is planned. I can work with Kate while Drew does work on his own and vice-versa.

What have I learned from all of this? It's okay to try something new because I'd never know if I didn't try. The kids aren't ruined. All is not lost. And our curriculum resells very well.

So for the rest of this week we'll continue to do our calendar time, read some more balloon books & do a few more experiments. Next week (or whenever the books come), we'll begin the next guide of HOD for Drew. We'll even "redo" our first day of school complete with cinnamon rolls that RISE. :o)

In the meantime, I will stop stressing & get a good night's sleep.